[Misc] Secrets of the Heart 12

Chapter Twelve – Dirty Little Secret

I frowned. “The one that tried to kill you?” I asked, fingering the blood-stained cloth.

Jin shook his head, leaning back against the wall as he sighed. “No, the one that I killed…”

I swore my mouth dropped open as I looked at him in shock. I knew he had killed his master, but considering that it was self-defense, that didn’t really surprise me. But for him to say he killed his brother, I was momentarily surprised.

“You what?” I questioned, checking his expression to be sure that he wasn’t playing a trick on me, not that I actually believed he would do something like that. Jin wasn’t the type to waste words.

He sighed and glanced once more at the tattered piece of fabric, painted with crimson. He turned from me and moved further into the room, sitting down as if he could no longer stand.

“That mon,” he began quietly, eyes flickering between it and me. “Is from the kimono my brother was wearing the night I killed him.”

He said it so simply, almost mechanically, as if he had just informed me that the food stand had run out of rice balls. I kind of stared at him for a moment before I plopped down next to him.

“Why did you kill your brother?” I asked, knowing him, he had a damn good reason. I mean, we were both somewhat killers. It didn’t bother me that he had done such a thing.

He answered me quietly, without looking at me. “It doesn’t matter.”

I exploded; I’m not really sure why. I guess because it seemed like he didn’t trust me. Secrets… would our secrets drive us apart. Did I even want us together? Did he?

“Fuck that, Jin! I’m tired of not knowing anything. We can’t keep these secrets anymore! Not if you care for me!”

“What are you saying?” he asked as he turned to look at me, narrowing his eyes.

I growled and slammed my fist into the floor, pinning him down with my stare. “I’m saying that I’m tired of dancing around this! If we’re going to do this, we can’t keep these things to ourselves. We both have things we’ve been hiding…” I trailed off, not sure I wanted to think about my secret. I had been pushing it down for three years, still not ready to deal with the truth of the matter.

He sighed and closed his eyes. “I’m not going to make the same mistake as before, Mugen. I’m not letting you go this time.”

I heartily agreed to this so without warning, I pounced, tackling him from the side. His eyes snapped open in surprise as I landed on top of him, and we crashed to the floor. I wasted no time in claiming his lips with my own and enveloping him in a searing kiss. He moaned beneath my touch, hands coming up and around my back as he clutched at my clothes.

I slipped a leg between his and ground down into him, pulling out another moan. I nipped at his lower lip with my teeth before drawing back to look him in the eyes. Kami, he was beautiful! His face was flushed with arousal, pale skin tinted to a bright pink, and his lips had swollen from being kissed. I wanted to devour him then and there.

I plucked those annoying glasses off of his face – I didn’t know how he managed to find another pair – and looked him straight in the eye.

“You think I’m going to let this go either?” I challenged, brushing my hand across his face. Yeah, I was being sappy, but I didn’t care. I had a soft side that I didn’t always show, just as Jin could be rough and brash when the occasion called for it.

He opened his mouth to speak, but I didn’t give him a chance to get the words out. I covered his lips with my own and slipped my tongue inside. He needed no coaxing and eagerly returned the kiss, running his hands across my back and bucking up against me. I could feel his hardened cock against me as I’m sure he could feel mine. No matter what it seemed, I was always hot for him.

But I was more or less trying to say that I wanted him and by then I’d realized, only him. I didn’t want to be without him anymore. It would be boring if I didn’t have him to spar with, and I’ll admit there was something in him that I needed. I loved the bastard, and there was no one else who could turn me on like he could. Yeah, I was going monogamous.

I trailed along his jaw, nipping and sucking as I did so, and ran my hands along his chest, pushing away his clothes so that I could get to his bare skin. His hands were no less busy, pushing off my garments and pulling off my shirt.

I leaned down and latched onto the skin of his neck, right beneath his jaw and sucked hard, marking my territory as I flicked my tongue against his skin. I could feel his pulse pounding against my lips. It was decidedly erotic. He moaned, the sound reverberating across my lips. I released his skin with a satisfied pop and looked at my work. An angry bright red blotch stood out on his pale skin.

Heh, heh, with any luck it would be days before that went away.

He grabbed onto my pants and gave them a hard yank. “I want you now,” Jin practically purred as he rubbed his groin against me.

I growled an answer and quickly divested him and myself of all clothes. They were highly overrated anyways. With that done, I traced a finger down the planes of his unscarred chest, avoiding all bandages and followed that line with tongue until it led to one rose-colored nipple. I traced my tongue around it until it hardened into a nub and teased said nub with my teeth, causing him to gasp and wiggle beneath me.

“Mine,” I growled as I nibbled on his skin and reached down to grab his weeping cock, giving it a few short but strong strokes.

“Mmm,” he commented when he reached up and tweaked one of my nipples. I rubbed my thumb over the crown of his erection, smearing the precum that had already begun to dribble.

“Yes,” he hissed, “all yours.”

I grinned and released his nipple, kissing my way down his body, as I ran calloused fingers over his skin. He shivered with the feeling and moaned at my touch. Long-fingered hands entangled themselves in my hair as I hovered over his erection, breathing puffs of warm air but not yet touching his aching shaft. It always affected me how responsive Jin was he writhed beneath me and tried to direct my head with his hands.

“Hey,” I warned, nipping gently on his inner thigh at the same moment that I flicked a finger on his hand. “Stop that!”

“Quit teasing then and do something!” he snapped back, but he did stop.

I resisted the urge to grin triumphantly and got back to the task at hand. My own cock I know was already dripping and begging to take my ronin. Every little gasp and moan, every brush of his body against mine was making my blood run hot and fast. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold back.

I complied and immediately took him into my mouth, sliding my tongue along the crown and tracing the underside. I was rewarded with one of the most erotic sounds as his fingers tightened in my hair, and he bucked up against me.

I grabbed his hips with my hands and rubbed my fingers over his skin massaging as I moved my touch downwards. He spread his legs further for me, which was my intention, as he whimpered softly.

One hand slipped between his legs and fondled his sacs as I slid his cock back and forth between my lips for a moment. I couldn’t help the moan that escaped me, I was so turned on. A moment later, I released his erection with a satisfied pop and ignored his protests.

I slid my hands beneath his ass and lifted it slightly as I tongued his balls, slowly licking my way downwards. I wanted to prepare him without my fingers for once. He moaned and wiggled in my grasp, my name falling from his lips.

“Mugen…” He pushed his legs as far as they would go, and I could see that seemingly tiny puckered entrance that I knew was just waiting for me to touch it. I pushed his legs towards his chest and pressed the tip of my tongue to trace around the ring of muscle.

He gasped and squirmed, hand moving to his own arousal as he began to methodically stroke himself. I licked him, spreading saliva all across his hole, even as I used my tongue to stretch him, getting him all nice and slick. His other hand released my hair, and I could hear him grasping for my pants. He knew I always kept the oil on me, force of habit I believe.

His hips started to move of their own accord as he pushed himself down on my invading tongue, wanting more of the feeling. I reached up and smacked away his hand from his cock. I didn’t want him to come just yet. He huffed in protest as the small bottle of oil landed right near my head.

“Enough Mugen…” he moaned. “Fuck me now!”

I smirked and sat up, moving his legs to fall around my hips as I grasped for the oil and poured the sweet smelling liquid onto my hand. “What happened to patience?” I asked as I rubbed the oil over my own cock, hissing with the wonderful friction.

“Just shut up and fuck me!” he growled, tightening his legs around my hips.

Well, I wasn’t one to ignore an order such as that. I leaned down and latched onto his hips with my hands, even as I slowly pressed into him, the head of my cock pushing past that tight ring of muscle with very little resistance. I moaned against his mouth as my aching shaft was enveloped within his tight wet heat.

He tightened his grip on my side and tried to draw me in further, eager for that feeling of fullness. I buried myself deeply until I was fully seated within him, biting my lip, while his inner walls contracted around me.

“You’re always so tight for me,” I moaned, nipping at the skin at the base of his throat.

“And you drive me crazy with want,” he replied, reaching up to tweak on my nipple. I sucked in a breath with the sensation as it seemed to connect directly with my groin. “But I do not want anyone else.”

I paused in my movements and moved so that I could look him in the eye. He had them closed but opened them when he felt me still. “You wanna make us… well… ‘us’?” I asked him, hoping he was serious.
He cocked an eyebrow at me. “Unless I read you wrong? You’d rather not?”

I moved just a little, making the smallest of thrusts. He mmm’d and shifted his hips.

“You’re all mine,” I purred by way of answer. “And I can be pretty possessive about things that belong to me.”

I started to move within him slowly, pulling out nearly all the way before I thrust back in, setting up a nice, steady pace. Damn, he felt so good.

He leaned up on his elbows and licked along my collarbone. His teeth scraped across my skin and that was the only warning I got before he latched on with his mouth and started to give me several marks, pay back for the one on his neck. I whined with the erotic sensations coursing through me and picked up the pace. The sound of flesh smacking flesh gently began to reverberate around the room.

I shifted my hips, changing the angle of my movements and received a gasp in response. I had found his prostate. Smiling at that, I gently pushed him back down to the bed so that I could kiss him, trapping his leaking cock between our bodies. I balanced myself on one hand and reached between us to stroke him slowly, while I invaded his mouth with my tongue. His hips bucked up against me, meeting me thrust for stroke.

He moaned, silently urging me to go faster as he pushed himself down on my cock and tightened his grip on my back, short nails digging into my skin. I complied as well as I could in that position, speeding up my thrusts and caressing his leaking cock with quick strong strokes.

I could feel him making noises against my lips and tongues as I kissed him senseless. It was a heady feeling. Fire began to race through my veins, rapidly coursing and pooling in my belly until I knew nothing but the man below me and the good feelings he was producing within me. Every little cry and whine he was making only spurred me on. I relished each noise, as if they were declarations of my skill.

I released his lips only to bend down and nibble on his neck, where the collarbone meets the shoulder. He bucked up into my strokes, one hand snaking between us to tweak one of my nipples. I couldn’t help but moan at the feeling. It was the last that I needed to push me over the edge. I bit down hard on his shoulder, hearing him gasp with both pain and pleasure, also sending him into orgasmic bliss.

I groaned with my release, sparks dancing behind my lids as he convulsed around me, the both of us cumming at the same time. His back arched, and my toes curled as I screamed wordless nothings.

I collapsed on top of him, perfectly spent as his legs relaxed around my hips and his arms slowly let go from their tight hold. I struggled to control my breathing as I tiredly rolled most of my weight off his body before pulling him into my arms. For a moment, we were both silent as we waited for our bodies to cool and our heart rates to slow down. I hadn’t expected him to talk, so I was even more surprised when he spoke.

“I hated him.”

I certainly wasn’t expecting him to say something like that either. However, instead of saying something that would make him shut up again, I opted to shift and pull him closer. He laid his head on my chest, displaying a surprising amount of vulnerability.

“Who?”

“My brother, Ichigo. I hated him and that was why I killed him. I couldn’t stand the thought of him alive anymore. I knew that the assassins would be coming after me because of what happened to Enshirou, so I decided I couldn’t do myself any worse and followed through on my secret desire to see Ichigo pay.”

“Why did you hate him?”

He kind of froze against me when I asked that and fell silent. I wasn’t sure if he was going to respond, so I just waited patiently. I had a feeling that the answer was the real reason that this was a secret to him.

I wasn’t afraid of whatever it was. And I knew there wasn’t anything he could say that would make me hate him. I mean, it’s not like he killed my mother or anything, and if Ichigo had done something that pissed Jin off enough to kill him… well, the bastard probably deserved it. My Jin doesn’t strike me as the type to randomly kill people. That’s more my job.

“Ichigo was older than me by ten years, although Shuu was older than him by two. I had two other brothers, but I didn’t mind them so much. But Ichigo… he… was a sick bastard and had a thing for little boys. It didn’t matter that they were his younger brothers.”

It all became clear then, without him having to say anything further. I knew where he was going and suddenly felt a surge of hatred rise within me. I wanted to kill him, Urahara Ichigo, no matter that Jin had already done it. He deserved no less. I hadn’t ever experienced such an intense and fierce protective desire before, and for a moment it was frightening. But I had to push it down because just then, Jin began to speak again.

“He used to have his fun with Kazuma, my third brother, until he got too old for him. By then, it was my turn. Father didn’t seem to care. After all, he had his heir and so long as what happened stayed within the house, he turned a blind eye towards what was going on. I remember he told me ‘to suck it up’ after backhanding me.”

Jin had already started going cold, remembering those days. His voice had gone hard, and I could tell by the look in his eyes that none of what he was recalling was pleasant. I was beginning to be grateful for growing up on an island of criminals. At least there you KNEW everyone was a criminal.

“Fucking bastard…” I hissed angrily, eyes narrowing. I was thinking of both Ichigo and Jin’s father. No wonder he had turned into such a cold man. I would, too, given the situation, or maybe I wouldn’t. I would have probably just killed ‘em on sight.

He shrugged against me. “He was only doing as he thought best. You know nothing of the way nobility works in Japan. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Fuck that!” I retorted. “What is there to understand about rape? There isn’t no excuse for it!”

He stiffened against me. I suppose he was surprised by my outburst. I kind of surprised myself. Usually its all, Mugen-this, and Mugen-that; I am a pretty selfish guy. But for once, I was thinking of someone other than myself, and that didn’t seem to bother me one bit.

I continued in my tirade, so long as I had an audience. “You had every right to kill that bastard,” I hissed angrily. “Never mind that he was your brother. If that’s what I have to look forward to in nobility, I would rather stay a criminal from Ryukyu.”

He was silent for a moment, gradually absorbing my words. I could feel my blood boiling with rage, wanting to kill those for the damage they had done. This type of righteous anger was new to me.

“Perhaps you are right,” he finally said quietly, on the tail of a sigh. “Nevertheless, with both these deaths hanging over me, I will forever be a wanted man, continuously haunted by assassins.”

I shrugged in response. If the assassins weren’t after him than they would be after me. We made quite a pair, he and I. It was a good thing that we were such good swordsmen.

“Mugen,” he called my name, and instantly I felt warm inside.

It was kind of startling because he so rarely called me by my name. I liked the way it sounded coming out of his mouth. I can’t explain, but it made me feel all happy inside.

Hmph, like I would say that aloud.

“Yeah?” I questioned, burying my nose into his hair and breathing deep. I was perfectly content to go to sleep now. I knew I should have reciprocated, told him my secret as well, but I didn’t want to spoil the moment.

He shifted restlessly. “Was it… difficult to kill Inoue? Was she at all skilled?”

I frowned in thought, the name not at all familiar to me. I wondered who the hell ‘Inoue’ was and when I had killed her. I usually don’t go around slaying females. Hmm, wait a moment… wasn’t that a woman samurai I killed in the forest? The one that tried to kill Jin.

“So that was her name,” I mused aloud.

He sighed and nodded. “I think that you should know, before I killed Enshirou and Ichigo, she was slated to be my wife. I trained in the dojo of her father’s closest friend. She was, of course, taught by her own kin, one of the best swordsmen I have ever known.”

“Damn!” I exclaimed, completely surprised. “You might as well have killed her kin, then. She must have been pissed, samurai honor and all that shit.”

He shifted in his position, sitting up and looking me eye to eye, with the strangest look on his face. I sat up as well; I figured it was time for deep talk, and there wasn’t a need to go lying about anymore. He frowned as he idly chewed on his lip in thought before responding.

“Somehow, I do not think that was her reaction. I can only assume that she joined an assassin team as soon as her father allowed her because she had wanted to face me in a duel, and before her father would not allow her. She always claimed she wouldn’t marry a man who could not best her in swords.”

I listened quietly, until a sudden thought entered my mind. It hit me so quickly, I was barely able to absorb it. I wondered… did he care for this woman at one point? Was that why he was telling me so much about her?

“Did you… care for her?” I questioned him, almost stilting.

I don’t know why it hurt to think of him liking someone else, but green jealousy struck me with great force, nearly making me reel with its intensity. For a moment, I was glad that I had killed the bitch.

His eyes narrowed. “I admired her skill, but she was an annoying little twit,” he responded quite coldly.

I resisted the urge to sigh in relief.

“It was a difficult duel,” I admitted. “But she only got me once. She wasn’t at all like you. She couldn’t think quickly enough on her feet to handle my moves.” I grinned at the thought, glad I could best the woman who had been trained by one of the greatest samurais. Never mind that I hadn’t managed to best Jin… yet.

He nodded in understanding before his eyes trailed down to the floor, and he got that far away look again. “There was one person that I have cared for, before you…”

I may act stupid, but I am far from it. I knew instantly who he was speaking about. I was not with Fuu and him when they encountered the man, but I had heard the story from her and judging from her explanation, some of Jin’s behavior was very uncharacteristic.

“It was… Yukimaru… wasn’t it?”

A shadow crossed over his face as he nodded his answer. “It is custom among those in a dojo to have an apprentice of sorts, a younger student that you take under your wing. Yukimaru was mine.”

I had to fight down the smirk that was threatening to break out on my face. “Was it usual to take the apprentice as a lover?”

He flushed. “It depended. Some of the men refused to take a male lover. But, yes, Yukimaru and I did have that type of relationship. I suppose technically, we were still together when Enshirou tried to kill me. But now, he is dead as well, and my time in the dojo might as well be forgotten.”

I sighed and looked down at the floor. I could tell by what I caught in his eyes that he had really cared for the younger boy. Whether or not he still harbored any feelings or missed him, I couldn’t say, but I knew that with him sharing that with me, I needed to tell him what I had been harboring inside.

I didn’t think that what I had to say would separate us. Of course, I can’t say how strong his feelings are, I only know how deep mine wells. I moved closer to him, and grabbed him before he could say anything. I pressed his lips to mine and claimed his mouth, letting him feel everything in me through that one kiss.

I slipped my tongue into his mouth, tasting more of that flavor. He eagerly accepted my advance, one of his hands tangling into my hair as he pushed my head more towards him. I let myself get carried away by his touch for another moment, nearly pushing him back down to the bed. I guess the emotion in the room was riding on high levels.

With great reluctance, I pulled away from the kiss and looked him in the eyes. “I was married once,” I said softly, “and I had a child.”

The shocked widening of his eyes didn’t make me feel any better. That was one of those wounds that hadn’t quite healed in me. Sora and Kohana still held special places in my heart, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to let them go, no matter how long ago that had taken place.

“But they are gone now,” I added in a quieter voice, my eyes dropping on their own accord. “They were killed in a rebellion at Ryukyu… an example of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. I hate myself every day for not being there to save them.”

Jin had yet to say anything, just absorbing the words that I had state. His hand dropped from my hair to my shoulder, tightening in its grip. I didn’t speak another word, not sure what else I had to say. I wanted to know what he thought first. I heard him shift moments before I was jerked forward, straight into his arms.

His quiet and calm presence wrapped around me, the scent of him filling my senses. We were skin to skin, and it felt right, like I knew where I was supposed to be. It was a startling revelation.

So here we were, the two of us, both of our dirty secrets out in the open. The wounds of our hearts exposed for the other to see, the both of us vulnerable. I wondered if we could handle each other’s pain, and I wondered if we were strong enough to stay together.

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