[Misc] Secrets of the Heart 04

Chapter Four – Wherever I May Roam

It was just like the old times again, except for the presence of that annoying girl, of course. Don’t get me wrong. Not that I hated her or anything, but there were just times when she was annoying as fuck. Besides, I was more interested in the I-Won’t-Waste-My-Words ronin. Traveling along paths known and not well known, drifting from place to place, with Jin at my side. At that point, we really had no purpose, not like when we were looking for that damn Sunflower Samurai. But there was no other place I would rather be.

I wonder what it was that attracted me to the usually silent Jin. Other than the great sex of course, ooh, imagining the things he would do to me, got me all hot and sweaty and I just wanted to jump him then and there. My cock twitched, it liked that idea.

Down boy.

I just can’t see myself settling down. Although I enjoyed the little vacation that Jin and I took at that hotel while I recovered from the cold that I still insisted was HIS fault.

I don’t know what I actually thought I was going to do when I first started looking for him, a week after we parted. All I knew was that something in me wanted him, in a worst way.

I thought that it would get easier as time passed. Wrong, boy was I wrong.

I thought all I needed was the road, the life of a wanderer. Which I did. I was too young to be saddled down with some brainless wife and antsy kids.

But, I suppose I always knew somewhere that it was him I needed too.

I don’t know why I found myself wandering like I did. Shifting from one place to another, stealing, working only if necessary (if ever), fighting to stay alive. I guess it was because it was the only life I knew. I craved what I already understood, and the road, the road was my home.

We left the tiny farmtown and the inn early that morning. Jin wanted to get a start on the day in case it turned hot. He wouldn’t even let me jump him that morning. Bastard tried to say he was too tired. Served him right for getting me sick! Hah!

We walked in silence most of the way, guess we really didn’t have much to talk about. Either that or Jin was just drawing into himself again. I HATED it when he did that. He would retreat into his mind and just THINK. How could anyone do that? I swore, I went into my mind and it was like unfamiliar territory, I got lost. No lie.

So, in order to get him back to reality, I decided to play with him a little. We were walking side by side, so I slowed my pace just a little. He barely noticed, so engrossed in thought as he was.

It started almost like a game to me. I would sidle up behind him and ghost my fingers up his arm or across the back of his neck, barely touching his skin. I saw goosebumps rise up on his skin before I moved quickly away, walking as if I hadn’t touched him.

He was playing hard to get. He had to the nerve to pretend not to notice what I was doing.

I nudged him just a little. Small pokes in his side or in his back that told him I was still there. I suppose I was also out to get a rise out of him. It had been a while since we had last drawn our swords against each other. Either way, whatever response I got, I was gonna have fun with to the fullest.

I did that a few times until I saw that it was not having as much of an effect as I wanted. I tried a more direct approach, already feeling myself beginning to get hard. He was just too delectable.

I walked up swiftly on his back, pressing my hands over his eyes as I pressed up into him from behind. He stopped moving and huffed silently.

“Guess who?” I asked innocently, changing my voice just a little. Not that I thought that he wouldn’t know who I was or anything.

“Mugen…” he said, his voice a warning of some type.

“Wrong,” I said, grinning as I kept my hands over his eyes. I ground my hardness into his back and hips so that he could feel me against him.

“You are insatiable,” he commented, a breathy sigh on his lips.

“So?” I asked, one eyebrow cocked, “Are you gonna help me out or not?”

He turned around to face me, effectively dislodging my hands. There was a small smile on his face as he gripped my head with his hands and planted a passionate hot kiss on my lips. Gods, I loved it when he was aggressive. And in public too for that matter? My, he was getting bold!

I opened my mouth hungrily, eagerly letting his tongue swipe the inside of my mouth as we exchanged tastes and flavors. Warmth spread from my mouth to cascade through my body until it hit the base of my spine, effectively making me even more aroused than I was before.

I brought my hands up to his hakama, giving them a tug. I was attempting to both untie it and pull him towards the cover of the surrounding forest.

But instead of receiving a satisfied moan of approval, I found him pulling away from the kiss and placing his hands over mine. There was a big smile on his face and that brooding lost look was gone from his eyes. Finally!!

“We haven’t the time for that now,” he said teasingly.

“Ah, come on,” I began, getting a little irritated. After all, I may have started it but he seemed intent on continuing it. “I am so fucking horny right now.” I reached for him again.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes, an odd movement from him if I ever saw one, “Mugen, you are ALWAYS horny.”

”Yeah? Well, you are ALWAYS brooding,” I pointed out in response, huffing softly as I crossed my arms, glaring at him.

He gave me a look and I am not really sure how to describe what I saw in his eyes. Pain? Anger? I don’t know. I could read movements and battle tactics at the drop of a hat, but reading people’s emotions… not my thing.

Then he turned back around and started continuing forward in the road.

I stood rooted to my spot for a minute, pondering on the events before I hurried to catch up with him. Not that he had gotten far.

We walked silently, the only sound being that of our feet scraping the dusty grit of the rather poor looking road. I decided to speak first, mostly because there were many questions that were nagging at my mind.

“Where do you go?”

“Hm?” he questioned, not looking at me but acknowledging my question nonetheless.

“When you go all distant like that, where do you go? Sometimes it is like you are not even here…”

He looked thoughtful for a moment and I knew he was concentrating on trying to find the right words to answer my question without really answering it. He had a habit of making everything he said vague and mysterious, especially questions about himself.

“Sometimes the past has influences on the present in ways that can never be understood,” he answered quietly. I knew it. How the hell was I supposed to know what the fuck that meant?

I stared at him for a moment. I was determined to get through to him somehow. If there was any way that we were going to make this work… whoa… was that just me who had that thought of monogamy?

Then again, I had told him that I loved him, and I had told myself that I wanted him to stay. Is that what I truly desired then? To be with Jin in some type of relationship? Is that what love was?

Then I found myself brooding, wondering when exactly it was my thoughts on that matter had changed. It was a ridiculous revelation in my mind when I finally admitted to myself that I loved the cold bastard all those weeks ago. Even crazier was for me to admit it aloud. Now I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him? Hmmm. . .

I dared a glance in his direction as I thought. He hadn’t said anything else since that enigmatic answer. I pondered on his words as I wondered on my own thoughts. I meant it when I spouted those words of love and I feel I believed that I wanted him to stay, but what does all of this really mean in all?

If I stayed with him, then he would have to know everything about me eventually, lest we happen to run into something out of my past and he finds out the hard way. But I was not sure if I was ready to tell him everything. I mean, I knew that he had assumed much about me, given the tattoos and such but really, he knew absolutely nothing.

In fact, there were times that not even I knew who I was. The blanks spots in my memory still hadn’t made themselves known. Some of the events that occurred on our search for the Sunflower Samurai were revealing, but still, it didn’t account for everything. I still didn’t know what the hell it was that caused me to lose most of my memory.

How exactly would I tell him that? Um, listen Jin, I think I am a murderer and most definitely a thief, and probably worse things but I really don’t know because I can’t remember it, oh, and what was it you wanted for dinner? Yeah, right. That kind of shit was not gonna work.

When had this become so fucking complicated?

I sighed audibly. That time, Jin noticed.

“Mugen?” he asked quizzically, giving me a strange look.


“What is wrong with you?” he asked. He peered at me interested. There must have been a weird look to my face or something.

Right, like I was gonna tell him the truth. I played it off as a joke until I could get my thoughts together. “I’m plotting how much strength it would take to force you off the road and into the bushes.” I gave him one of my seductive grins.

It didn’t work.

He narrowed his eyes at me, seemingly irritated. “You are lying.”

“What so you can go hiding off in your mind but the minute I want to think about something, I have to spill my fuckin’ guts?” I spat.

He did not answer me. Instead, he returned his attentions to the road in front of us, turning his back to me again.

That was really starting to get on my nerves. “Hey! I’m talking to you here!”

“And I am ignoring your trivial words,” he responded.

Like I knew what the hell that meant!! I growled and reached for my sword. “Whose words are trivial?” I asked, as I pulled the sword from the sheath on my back.

He turned around and saw the look on my face and the sword in his hand. Raising an eyebrow in question, he put his hand on his sword.

“I do not feel like dealing with your temper tantrums today, Mugen,” he said, narrowing his eyes behind the thin frame of his glasses.

Well, that was enough of an insult for me. I rushed him, raising my sword to attack.

He moved fast, dodging me easily as he smoothly drew his sword. It seemed like it had been awhile since we had fought like this. In the past, Fuu wouldn’t let us fight, having us make some obscure promise. Then that last chance we had, we didn’t get to finish. After that, our tiny group separated and went different ways.

It felt good to be testing myself against him again. I knew that he was one of the few swordsmen on the planet that was a match for me. Was kind of nice to be challenged for once. I had missed it…

Jin was the ultimate samurai… at least in my mind. Cold and calculating, each move precise and well practiced, he conserved his strikes, choosing to move only when necessary and planning out each action.

Compared to me and my ragtag skills picked up here and there, you would think there isn’t much competition. Yet, neither he nor I had ever intended to kill the other.

It was a strange fight, though short it was. He did not want to hurt me and I really did not want to hurt him. I assumed that I only wanted to get his mind off of what was wrong with me. Not to mention I had wanted to fight with him since we had reunited. I wanted to see if he was still the same fighter I had always known him as.

I saw that nothing had changed.

“Had enough?” I spat, after dodging a particularly sneaky little attack of his. I bounced on my feet and did a tricky aerobatic roll that only I was capable of, in an attempt to get behind him.

But Jin knew my moves by that point and easily sidestepped me.

He did not answer my taunts. I do not think he ever would have. Talking during battle wasn’t his style of attack, not like me. We were so different… how did I ever think we would get along? Was love enough? Was desire enough to keep it going?

We danced around each other, breathing hard with the exertion. Occasionally our swords would clang as they met but always they were drawn back, ready for the next strike. There wasn’t any anger behind our attacks, no intensity. Yet, no matter how reluctant we were, no stops were pulled.

I got in a lucky shot, slicing his arm open at the sleeve at the same moment that he broke through my defenses and nicked my legs. And still we did not stop. It was odd, like a blood lust had taken over and was driving our actions. We still had control and then, we didn’t either.

I can’t explain it and I won’t even try. Perhaps that type of passion was another aspect of our relationship that I never even thought to consider. Maybe it was a good thing, maybe not.

We were still fighting, still attacking each other with quick moves and careful precision.

But when we heard that voice, we could only freeze in our tracks, blood dripping from many minor cuts and slashes.

After all, even then, she was the only one who could make us stop…



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