Chapter Two : Lose It All
I don’t really know why I woke up. It really was too early for me to even be conscious. But somethin’ in my gut told me that there was somethin’ wrong. That and the feeling of an empty bed beside me. Where’d the warmth go?
I forced my eyes to open although I really didn’t want to, and saw that the bed was in fact empty. I groaned when I realized that Jin had left and sat up searching the room, thinking that he had probably gone to take a piss or something.
That was when I noticed he was standing at the door, hand reaching for the knob, fully dressed. It confused me because it kind of seemed like he was leaving.
“Jin?” I said aloud, scratching my head in confusion even as I yawned. It was still way too early for me to be up. The sun hadn’t even hit noon yet!
He froze when he heard me, fingers still outstretched towards the knob. He did not turn around or anything, just sort of stood there. I was even more confused now.
“Where are you going?” I asked, stretching my arms up above my head, “It’s too early.” I briefly thought about lying back down and going to sleep, but I really did not want to go to sleep alone, especially since my cock was waking up too, all ready to greet the day. Why had he gotten up in the first place? We had nowhere to be, unless… My eyes narrowed even as he answered his question.
“Go back to sleep Mugen,” he said calmly, only a slight movement to his shoulders.
“Nope. I’m awake now,” I said, slipping out of the bed. I was naked but I did not care. Not like we had any secrets from each other in that matter.
I heard him sigh even as he reached for the handle. But I beat him to it. I don’t think he actually expected me to stop him. I dove in between him and the door, pushing him backwards. He stumbled but did not fall, drawing up quickly to look at me impassively.
When I pulled him up here last night, it was not so we could forget and pretend it never happened like last time. Nope. This time I was going to make sure he stayed. I told myself that whatever it took, he would understand how I felt, even if it felt like pulling my teeth to get him to talk.
“Get out of the way,” he said evenly, his face showing no emotion. Damn the bastard! He acted as if it was no big deal for him to just walk out of my life after what had happened between us last night. His hands went to his sword, as if he would actually pull them on me right now, unarmed and unclothed.
“No.” I said just to be contrary. I wanted to make him angry. I wanted to see that pale skin flush with his feelings, to melt the ice around his emotions. “Why are you leaving?”
He looked away then, as if he could not meet my eyes. He knew I would just tell him it was crap, that’s why he would not look at me. “I have to.”
I snorted, “Bullshit!” I crossed my arms and did my best to glare down at him. Though I am sure with no clothes on and not even a sword at my side, I was not the most imposing of creatures. “Don’t lie to me!”
He mumbled something but I did not catch it. He was always like that, barely saying anything. Once he finally did, you either had to strain your damn ears to catch it, or think about it for a long time because it was so damn confusing.
“What was that?” I asked, cocking my head to the side.
“I said, `Move’,” he yelled, raising his voice to me. Whoa! That was new. Apparently something had happened that I was not aware of. And I really did not believe that was what he said either.
“Let me out!” He repeated thought quieter, gritting his teeth as he locked eyes with me. He had hid himself again, no longer the responsive man who had fucked me last night. Ooh, just thinking of that got my blood to tingling.
“Not until you tell me why you are leaving,” I stubbornly shook my head.
He crossed his arms, closing himself off to me. “As if you’d care,” he mumbled in words that I could barely hear. He turned his head away from me again, angling his body so that he was no longer directly facing me. That was his way of saying, `leave me alone’.
Excuse me? Didn’t I just tell the crazy ronin that I loved him last night? This sudden change of heart only made me angry. Damn guy was always trying to act like he never cared about anything.
Well, I would show him. I would show him exactly what I thought of him leaving… and how I wanted him to stay.
I moved so fast that I think I even surprised myself. Before I knew it, I had wrapped my arms around him. We were about the same height so I could look him in the eye evenly. I claimed his mouth with my own, frowning and all. Instantly my cock jumped, loving the contact of his soft lips against mine. He opened himself up to me, letting me explore his mouth, tasting him, battling with his tongue.
I broke for air, nearly gasping as I did so. He seemed dazed, like he did not believe what had just happened. Meanwhile, I was horny as hell. I had to get this solved so we could get down to the good stuff. Shoveling emotional bullshit was just not my idea of a good time.
“You couldn’t possibly want just me,” he whispered, startling me back into the real world.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I demanded, “What the fuck ever gave you that idea?”
He shrugged, “It’s always been that way…”
I decided then to go out on a limb, show a part of myself that I carefully hid, hoping that would break open his stupid little ice. If not well, it was a chance I had to take. “I love you Jin. I thought you knew that,” I narrowed my eyes then, adding for good measure, “Or was I just a common fuck for you?”
His eyes widened and he seemed to get angry. Good. “Never!” He hissed.
“Then what?” I growled, gripping his gi tight between my fingers and jerking his face up close to my own, “Because I am fucking sick of this! I’m not going to pretend anymore! I remembered last time and I sure as hell remember this time! I’m not going anywhere!”
“I can’t change the way I am, Mugen.” He said softly, trying to look away. He did not resist me, as if he had already been beaten on the inside. There was something that I did not understand here… but that would have to wait until later. First, I had to make sure he doesn’t leave.
“I’m not asking you to,” I said softly, releasing my grip just a little. “I just want you to stay.” I added in a smaller tone, barely loud enough for him to hear me. For some reason, I felt exposed. Like I had bared my heart for the world to see, and all that mattered was whether or not it was accepted… or rejected.
He stared at me, confusion, hurt, pain, all of it, etched into his eyes. It felt like he was trying to see through me, to see if I meant what I said. And still I didn’t miss the slight catch in his voice, the barely there tremble to his body.
Being that close to him made me harder than a rock, despite the emotional situation. And I could tell that it was having an effect on him too. He was not only trying to control his physical reaction… but his mental one also.
And so I did the only thing I could think of. I was a man of action not words. I reached up and gently placed my hand on his cheek, his skin feeling cool to the touch. It was so soft, and strikingly pale when compared to my own. He closed his eyes, leaning in slightly to my touch.
Actions speak louder than words… I kissed him again, this time with more force, more passion, grinding my naked hips against his clothed ones, the soft fabric feeling so good against my achingly ready cock. How did he do that? One touch… and I was more than ready for action.
He opened his mouth readily, accepting my tongue with vigor as he pushed his body back against mine. I felt his hardness even through his clothes. He wanted it as much as I did. Groaning with the feelings, nipping and biting at his lips and chin, I moved my hands towards his clothes, trying to remove them. They were in the way. He did not resist me; let me push off his clothes, wanting to feel skin.
We fought for dominance. He brought up his hands, one tweaking an already peaked nipple as the other ran through my hair, trying to control and deepen the kiss. And finally, I got him naked, his clothes pooled around his feet. I ran my hands over his smooth, pale chest, scars nearly nonexistent compared to my own. It appeared not even his enemies could get close enough to touch him…
I groaned. He had abandoned my mouth to trail little bites from my chin onto the sensitive skin of my neck. Sharp little nips that only aroused me more. He reached down and grabbed my already weeping cock with one hand, massaging, stroking. So… he thought he would be in control this time, did he?
“My turn,” I rasped, voice already thick with arousal, as I grabbed his hands. He looked at me, eyes half-lidded. God he was so sexy. I pulled him into another kiss even as I pushed us towards the bed. He kissed like he fought, carefully and smoothly, embracing every sensation, moving so quickly from one action to the next that I almost missed it.
We fell onto the bed, me on top, wriggling against each other. There was urgency here and that wasn’t what I wanted. Struggling to control the desires of my own body, I slowed down, reaching to cup his chin with both my hands, sliding slowly down his body until we lined up almost perfectly. Damn those subtle differences in height. I ground our hips together, one arousal against the other, and could not help but moan with the sensation.
“Gods…Jin…” I groaned. I pulled his glasses off and carefully tossed them onto some clothes. I wanted to see his eyes. Then I reached up into his hair, pulled out that tie and watched as the silky blackness fell free. I ran my hands through those strands, delighting in the feel.
“Fuck me Mugen…” he breathed, only the slightest catch in his voice to show just how lost in the moment he was.
“Nuh uh.” I said, shaking my head, “Not yet anyways…” I added when I saw the angry look in his face. “I want to taste first…”
I kissed, sucked, and licked my way down his body. I could feel him moving beneath me, emitting small moans of pleasure, but so quiet I could barely hear him. No matter, I would make him scream. His erection waited patiently for me, hard with precum glistening at the tip looking oh so tasty.
I teased him at first, taking hesitant licks around the base, up at the side, avoiding the sensitive tip. His hands found their way to my hair, wrapping them in it, nearly pulling it out. I didn’t mind so much, not so long as he kept moving so enticingly beneath me. He tried to guide me to where we he wanted me. I just smiled and kept teasing, stopping once to blow a breath of hot air across the tip of his erection. His back arched with the feeling.
“Unh…stop teasing!” he ordered, half moaning, his fingers curled into my hair. I looked up at him, saw his face flushed with arousal.
I bit back another smile and licked hesitantly at the tip, tasting the pearl of precum that hung there. Mmm, bittersweet.
“Mugen…” he moaned, a strained sound to his voice. Poor thing.
I took pity and stopped the torment. Without any warning, I took him in my mouth, rolling the hard flesh on my tongue, stroking and sucking. That really made him respond. I slipped one hand between his legs, fondling his balls, tugging on them as I sucked, knowing how that only makes it better.
“Dammit Mugen! Fuck me already!” he demanded, casting angry glances down at me through the haze of his flushed face. Aha! The ice man was melting!
I released his cock from my mouth with a satisfied final drawn out suck, causing him to whimper softly. I was just too good. I crawled back up his body, pushing his knees up so that I can settle between his legs. I leaned forward and kissed him. He returned it hungrily, clutching my shoulders with his hands, fingers digging into the skin. I had a brief flashback to last night that only made me hungry for more.
I broke away from the kiss, balancing on one arm as I brought the other hand up between our faces, slipping my fingers in between his lips. He sucked on them with vigor, coating them with his saliva. Good, that was all I needed. His hands let go of my shoulders, reaching down and around to cup my ass, kneading the flesh in his hands. I let him, but only for a minute, before I pulled away, taking my fingers out of his hot, wet mouth and reaching down for that tiny, puckered entrance.
I pushed in one finger slowly. He was so tight, just like last time. God, I couldn’t wait until I could bury myself in him. He took it without a sound, body arching up to meet my fingers. I kissed him, trying to distract him from the pain, as I inserted another finger, stretching him, preparing him for something far larger.
He moaned and writhed underneath me when I finally found that one sweet spot. His reaction sent a flare of heat up and down my spine and I knew, I could not wait any longer. I removed my fingers and he gave a sound of protest. I chuckled at the sound even as I wrapped my fingers around my own straining erection, taking the precum and spreading it over my cock, lubing it up as best as I could.
“Ready?” I whispered questioningly, not sure I could trust myself not to sound needy as I positioned myself at his entrance
He looked down at me. “Just do it already,” he hissed.
I nodded as I slowly, almost painstakingly began to push forwards into him. I had to close my eyes and take a deep breath with the sensation; he was so tight and hot. I went slowly, trying to prevent as much discomfort as possible.
I reached for his cock and began to stroke it slowly, gently, trying to distract him from the slight pain and discomfort until I pushed myself in completely, buried to the hilt.
“Hhn…” I moaned, incapable of true speech. It felt so damn good. I stopped for a moment, letting go of him to put all my weight on my arms as I leaned forward to kiss him, delighting in the feel of him wrapped around me, all around, so hot…
Then I felt his hands on my arms, squeezing me, “Move dammit…” He muttered into my mouth.
“If you insist,” I said, shifting my weight so I could move, pulling all the way out only to push in again, very slowly, dragging it out. I aimed my body so I could hit that sweet spot, the bundle of nerves that would make him scream my name.
“Uhn…” he moaned as I increased the speed of my thrusts, hitting that spot over and over. Gods he felt so good.
He reached down and grasped himself, pumping to the rhythm that he was pressing into my thrusts with. The sight of him stretched out beneath, touching himself, nearly did me in.
“Damn Jin…you are so sexy…” I huffed, feeling that burning tremble building up within me. “So tight…” I moaned.
There just couldn’t be anything better than this. The feel of him pushing down against me as I thrust up into him, tight and hot. The sight of him below me, taking care of himself, pale skin flushed with sweat. How could I walk away?
It was just too much, I couldn’t hold back any longer, the speed of my thrusts quickening, becoming erratic. The sensations of him wrapped around my cock, being sheathe in his slick heat, him moaning, pumping himself up and down…
He moaned, long and low, “Mugen…” before he came, spurting his seed, coating his hand, his fingers, erupting over his stomach and some even spouting onto me.
That did it, him clenching and unclenching on my cock with the force of his release. I came loudly and hotly, filling him with my side. I swore that I forgot to breathe, to think. I screamed something wordless, I don’t really remember, before I collapsed tiredly on top of him, dimly remembering to roll over to the side so that I did not squash him, pulling out in the process.
For a minute, all that could be heard was the sound of our exhausted pants. I laid there, body still tingling from the remnants of my release. I could feel him trembling slightly beneath me.
I moved my head to look at him, a feat in itself considering how suddenly tired I felt. His eyes were closed and he looked so peaceful. Gathering up all my strength, I moved to the side, taking my weight off his body. Before he could protest, I pulled him close, wrapping my arms around his smaller frame.
No words were spoken. I don’t think they were necessary. I just held him close, allowing our breathing to become more even, our heartbeats returning to normal.
I just knew that now he wouldn’t leave. I may not be good with pretty words like him, but I know that my actions made my intentions obvious. I’ll take that risk of showing my emotions, if it meant that I might not spend the rest of my life wandering alone. Only 19 and I already despised my existence. Maybe now, there would be a reason worth living.
Don’t think that I do not know how everyone viewed me. Brash, rude, vulgar even, but none of them know me, they don’t know who I am. That is just a mask, a shield I wear to protect myself from ever feeling pain again. But which pain is worse, loving and getting left, or never having loved at all?
I started feeling a little sleepy, but before I could drift off, I had to know, “If I go to sleep, will you be here when I wake up?” I asked. I kept my eyes shut, my face impassive.
I felt him move, settle further into my arms, his head lying somewhere on my shoulder, angling so that I could feel his hot breath on my neck. Oo, that sent shivers down my spine. And then another part of me started to stir. Damn, how did he do that?
“Yes,” he said softly. I felt his words on the skin of my neck, his breath ghosting over me.
“Good,” I responded, tightening my hold on him even as I barely ground my hips into his.
“Already?” he asked, his voice sounding sleepy.
“I can’t help it.” I almost whined. “You are too damn sexy.”
I felt his body shake and I realized that it was with laughter. “Go to sleep, Mugen.”
I sighed heavily, not really that upset. I was tired too, not that I would have passed it up if he had said yes. He ignored my sighing, probably already asleep. Yawning quietly, I blindly reached down for the abandoned blankets and pulled them over us. Yes, most definitely time for sleep.