[Misc] Incomplete

~Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you, within me, I can’t find no rest
Where I’m going, is anybody’s guess~
When we parted a month ago I should have considered that I would never see him again. But there was always that belief in the bottom of my broken heart, in the inner twisting of my mind that we would all meet again. After all, how many times before had we split, and found each other again? Why should this time be any different?
I should have taken the opportunity to tell him then. Before he was gone, vanished like the mystery he was the enigma that makes him, well, Mugen. I feel empty aside, a part of me is missing now. I am trying to find him even now, though the chances of our paths crossing again, except through fate, are miniscule at most.
We are both wanderers, he and I, and even though he can’t hear me. I still speak to him in my silent way. How many times have I walked into another anonymous town, staring into another’s stranger’s face, and thought I had seen his? There is still no home for me.
Cursed to wander, with my own self, broken.
I can’t believe I let him go. Let him turn from me, walking off in the opposite direction. I did not, or more like could not, even watch him go, just felt his presence, slowly fading off into the distance. I knew, even then, that I should have said something, anything, to make him stay, to tell him the truth. I had turned around, but he was only a dot on the horizon. And then nothing more. Gone.
I still dream of him, every night. Ghostly images haunting me. Visions of caramel colored skin flush with my own pale, pale skin. Reality and fantasy mesh in my dreams, sometimes; I don’t even remember what was real anymore. I swear I can feel the heated press of his lips against mine…
Another town, another group of nameless faces on the horizon. And here I am without money again. Oh Mugen, we never had money in those days did we? Between Fuu eating and him visiting all those damn whorehouses…we never had any money. I laugh because even though we never had any money, we sure managed to spend it fast enough. But my joy is so short-lived…
I am haunted by what could have been and what never was. Our bodies meshing like one, moving to the rhythm, the ultimate pleasure. Letting go of everything, our fears, our worries, our pride, and giving in to the one thing that matters.
The dusty road beneath me barely moves as I walk into the town. This is not exactly what you would call a bustling city. Just another tiny farm town in the middle of nowhere. A clash of red catches my eye in the crowd. My heart leaps thinking it is he. But no, just one of the farm kids. He has brown hair too, just like him…
~I try to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake, but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete~
It has only been a month, but I feel like I am slowly dying on the inside. There are moments of weakness, days of solitude, crunching together into this long period of utter monotony, trapped within my own thoughts. I travel the roads as if I do not really live, barely noticing what goes on around me. Waking only when danger threatens…and even then my responses are delayed. I am dying without him here.
I contemplated just once of forgetting him. Of moving on with my life, finding a love similar but not the same. But my heart, it…it would not take it. I cannot live without him, searching every day, until I can find him again. I hear rumors, always rumors, of places he has been, the hot-tempered swordsman with the uncouth mouth that is Mugen. I only thought once that if I forgot him, if I moved on, it would be easier to bear. Only once before I nearly killed myself. Gods, I miss him so much. I just can’t do it, just can’t forget…
My stomach clenches at me angrily. I cannot remember the last time I ate. The days seem to blend together, small events unimportant to me. Only the time matters, each minute, each hour I am without him. With my money pouch empty though, I have very few options. My stomach growls at me again, an event I cannot control. My emotions are so restrained, my face impassive, but still my stomach forgoes my training. Even he would laugh at this. Jin, the stoic one, his stomach grumbling uncontrollably. I smile only slightly, thinking of his laughter, it’s kind of funny to me if I think about it.
Tch, I sound like some love-besotted farm girl. But why deny the truth? Better to spend my life as this, then some love-forgotten fool. At least I felt it, at least my heart is not cold, and at least I knew him for a time…
I head for the bar. At least there someone is always looking for a sword-for-hire, and I am very much that. It is the best idea I have. He always did have some of the more creative ways for us to earn money even if he was a lazy cur leaving Fuu and I to do most of the work.
I walk in, the instant smell of several unwashed bodies and drunken men instantly assailing my senses. I refrain from wrinkling my nose but the disgust I suppose, is plainly evident on my face. Ai, I have not had a bath in a long time either. Nearly three days now… As my eyes slowly adjust to the dim lighting, I scan the bar. It is an automatic response of mine, gleaned from years of training and traveling alone…that is until the fateful day he, I, and that girl crossed paths in the teahouse. Things were never the same for any of us after that.
Just another bunch of ugly strangers here, as usual. It seems that is all my fruitless searching has turned up.
With slow sure steps I walk boldly to the counter, sitting calmly in one of the many seats. The server, an older man with squinted eyes, the shifty type, he wouldn’t have trusted him, came up to me, bowing and scraping.
“Sir, what can I help a samurai, for I see the swords at your side, and a fine-looking samurai as yourself for that matter, today?” His words came in all a rush, in a squeaky voice, rusty with age. I am used to this by now. How I sometimes hate my features…a pretty boy is what I think they called me.
“I have no money,” I say quietly, not really meeting the man’s eyes. Would hate to give him the wrong impression. There are things I would do to eat, and then things I would rather die first than do. I still some of my dignity left. There is a line I will not cross, no, not even to see him again. “Perhaps you know someone who needs a sword?”
The man seemed to ponder my question before his lips curved into a smile that did not ease my suspicions in the least. “I might. But I would hate to suggest someone whose skills are perhaps shall I say, unproven?”
My anger bristles. “I have yet to fail in my duty,” I say coolly. No need to let my anger show. It would only let the fool think he has won.
“Don’t listen to him Gouya. He still hasn’t killed me.”
My eyes widen at the sound of that voice. I cannot help my outward reaction. I do not turn though. I do not want him to see the shocked and relieved expression on my face. It is him.
“….” I prefer instead not to respond to him. I know his ways by now. My silence will make him madder than insulting him in return.
“Ah, Mugen. Problem solved I assume?” asked Gouya, scampering over to him. I am forgotten which makes me emit a small sigh of relief. I did not like the way that I was being looked at by the old man. Hate to have to kill someone on my first night in town.
“I’m here ain’t I? Bring me some sake old man,” ordered Mugen. He sat next to me at the bar, leaning back in his normal lazy way. Gods he looked so beautiful, he hadn’t changed at all. Gouya hurried off, I assume to fetch Mugen’s drink. He must have been in this town for longer than a day to have built up a reputation at the town bar.
I do not speak. I have waited to see him for so long, that my carefully planned speeches have gone flying out the door. He sat next to me, so I wait for him to make the first move. But there is so much I want to say, to do. I wanted to run to him, throw my arms around him, tell him how much I missed him, that I lo-, that I wanted him. But I would not embarrass myself in such a way. I had searched for a long time. I was not going to scare him off. Last thing I needed was for him to draw his sword and challenge me again. I did not want to fight him. Not right now.
~Voices tell me I should I carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby, it’s written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake~
“Have you seen Fuu at all?” That was his first question. No hello, no how you been? Just a question.
“No. Have you?”
“Nah. Guess she musta settled down with some farm boy or something. Probably had to pay him or something.” He laughed at his own joke. I loved that laughter. So full, so encouraging. He did everything like that, loudly and with great gusto.
“…”
“I can see you haven’t changed at all.”
“Neither have you.” Gouya showed up just then, bringing a quart of sake and one shot glass with him, a shot already poured. Mugen downed the liquor in an instant before refilling the glass again.
“You didn’t bring any for him.” He said to Gouya, scowling, arching that one bisected eyebrow. I don’t know why he insisted on having that one eyebrow cut in such a way, but it was sexy nonetheless.
“I don’t have any money,” I said. I still had not looked at him except out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t feel like I could and not flush or do something embarrassing. I could feel small tendrils of arousal beginning within me. I had wanted it so long. Besides, sake is what started this whole mess. Then again, if I had money, sake might be a good thing.
“Bring him a glass Gouya, put it on my tab,” mumbled Mugen, tossing another one back. He drinks liquor like he is never going to taste it again, savoring the flavor, rolling it around in his mouth, before gulping it all down. Then again, the way we were with money then, there was always the chance he was never going to get to drink it again. Gouya nods and runs off again. Mugen must actually pay his bills here…or made some other arrangement.
“I don’t need your charity.”
“Oh, my money is not good enough for you?” He questioned me haughtily, a fight on the edge of his words. Damn. I do not want to fight him right now, but I do want to take his money either. I still have some pride within me, even if I crave the touch of those strong, scarred hands.
“…” I preferred not to respond.
“Ahh, whatever, suit yourself,” said Mugen.
That was odd. He did not get even angrier or try and goad me into a fight. He let me have my way. I did not comment on this, instead rolling the thought inside my mind. Maybe he remembered that night as fondly as I did….maybe.
Gouya returned, placing a glass in front of me and some more sake. He bowed quietly and left. What had Mugen been up to here in this town?
“What are you doing here?” asked Mugen in his typical straight-forward way.
“Wandering,” I answer simply, staring at the sake in front of me. It couldn’t hurt to drink just a little, could it?
“Leaving tonight?”
“No. Out of supplies,” I respond. I stare in front of me.
“Then you are shit out of luck,” he suddenly stated. He tossed back another cup of sake, probably his fourth or fifth. Startled, I turned to look at him, getting my first full on view of him for the first time. God he looked so…so…delicious. I would have given anything to throw cautious to the wind and pounce on him, fucking him until he was senseless and called my name…again and again…
“I know for a fact that the inn has no more empty rooms. Something about some sort of festival starting tomorrow.”
“Hmm,” I say but really I am thinking hard. Damn! I was hoping not to have to spend another night on the hard, cold ground. No matter that I did not have any money, innkeep’s always need an extra hand in exchange for board of any type.
“But lucky for you I have my own very special room. You can sleep on the floor.” Mugen tossed back another shot of sake, grinning evilly at me.
At that statement, I was momentarily shocked into silence. Immediately, I reached forward and grabbed the sake, pouring myself a shot and downing it in one big gulp. Ooh, it burned on the way down but then it filled me with a pleasant warm sensation.
“Thank you.” I say softly, downing another shot of the sake. It does seem to give courage where there was none.
~I try to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake, but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete~
Mugen laughed. “So what have you been doing the past month.”
“Wandering,” I answer again. Could I really tell him that I had been searching for him? No, did not want to scare him away. I look over at him, our eyes meeting.
“Me too. Can’t beat that life.” He giggled, a strange sound. Apparently the sake was already beginning to work on him.
“Old times are hard to forget,” I say enigmatically.
“Yeah,” Mugen said, not laughing anymore. “It was more interesting when I was traveling with you guys rather than alone.”
“I admit the same.”
“Then that settles it. We should travel together. We’ll make more money that way then alone that’s for sure,” said Mugen, his eyes shone with the idea of more money. He looked so sexy that way, half inebriated and money-hungry. I let my guard down a little.
“I agree,” I say softly, reaching for another drink of sake. I think maybe it is my third or fourth, I am not sure. I haven’t really been counting. Before I grab it, his hand shoots out and grabs my wrist. I look at him; confusion I know is evident in my face.
His face has taken on a strange look, his voice a low and wispy tone, “Remember the last time we sat and drank sake together.”
Ummm, how was I going to respond to that? Before both of us claimed we remembered nothing. I wanted to believe him, so I did. But he could have been lying just as I was.
“Some,” I reply simply. I wonder where he is going with this.
Mugen laughed, still retaining his hold on my hand. “I remember that you cannot hold your sake very well. Doesn’t take much.”
“Shut up,” I reply angrily, trying to pull my arm away from him though there is not much force behind my words or my actions. I was not really angry at him; I just wanted him to think I was. I just had this feeling. However, I did not succeed. He only gripped my wrist tighter, looking at me, a strange look in his eyes.
He leaned in close to me. “Make me.” He said huskily. That soft spoken demand was all it took, that and a little bit of sake.
I kissed him without hesitation. Leaning in, claiming that haughty mouth as my own. In the middle of the town bar, people all around, I did not care. He had dared me. Kissing him was just like I remembered. All hotness and spice wrapped in sexy desire. He opened his mouth slightly, letting me in. I was surprised but did not stop to question, pressing my lips against his soft ones. Ah….heaven.
Suddenly, he broke the kiss, pulling away from me, shock and amusement etched into his features. “I thought you said that you did not remember that night.”
“I lied,” I replied huskily, licking my lips. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him again and again. I leaned towards him, eager for another taste. He had let me kiss him once; he should let me do it again. Gods I desired him so much! All that muscular sexy goodness wrapped in mocha skin and hard-ass attitude.
He pulled back a little further. “Not in here,” he hissed softly.
I fell back into my seat, a bit of disappointment etched into my features. “Somewhere else?”
“Shit!” he cursed, shaking his head in disbelief. “Can’t believe I am doing this.” He muttered.
I looked at him in confusion.
“Come on.” he says to me, getting up and giving a great yank on my wrist. I stumble forward a bit, almost falling on my face but he catches me. It feels so good to be in his arms, so familiar. I inhale his scent, reminding myself of what I had nearly forgotten.
“Where?” I ask almost dreamily. I clutch onto his body as if I can’t stand on my own.
“Where else?” answered Mugen with a smirk. I got his meaning, or at least I hope I did. He led me from the bar, ignoring the looks and catcalls of the men around him. Although my cheeks flamed with embarrassment, it did not seem to bother him much. Nothing ever did.
~I don’t mean to drag it on
But I can’t seem to let you go
I don’t wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go~
Seconds after he crossed the threshold of the doorway into the room, Mugen attacked me. I was shoved against the wooden door, effectively slamming it shut. I looked up startled into his aroused eyes even as his lips crashed against mine bruising. His hot mouth met with mine, taking, claiming. His body pressed up against me. I was trapped between him and the door.
I could not help but groan with the feelings. It is more than I ever dreamed it would be. My hands moved up quickly, pulling his head into my face gently. I kissed him, returning his lusty advance, letting him know that I wanted it too.
“Shit…” moaned Mugen in my mouth even as he ground his hips and his hardness against me. The feeling of his body up against mine, and his arousal rubbing against my own, excited me more than anything I have ever felt. I moaned in response, my body shivering with the feelings.
His hands are roaming up and down my body, frantically trying to remove my clothes. I release his head, trying to take off his clothes as well. I want, no, I need to feel his skin touching mine, all that hot soft skin, pressed against mine. Clothing flies everywhere in the room, a shoe here, a sword there, a gi here, and a red coat there.
Finally, we are undressed. He presses up against the door, his skin slick with sweat already, pushing up against mine. His arousal and mine touch eliciting groans of pleasure from the both of us. It has been so long…
He strings a series of kisses and licks from my mouth to my neck across my shoulder and down my chest, stopping to tease my nipples. I gasp with the pleasure shooting from them to my aching groin. All the while I tease him with my hands, one grasped onto his weeping member the other tweaking his peaked nipples. He is so big in my grasp, so hard, so Mugen.
“Fuck Jin….won’t last…” he moaned, his voice muffled from his face being pressed into my chest.
“Not meant to,” I say shortly, stroking him faster and harder. He groans against me. I smile to myself…this is going to be so much fun. I love to hear him moan, scream my name, and I want to do it again. I let him take the lead in this but now I was going to have my way.
I pulled his head up and pushed him away from my body a little bit. He looked up at me in confusion, a flash of fear shooting through his eyes, of what? Rejection maybe? Doesn’t matter. I gently kiss him, taking away that look. He melts into my arms, working his tongue against mine. I take this opportunity to turn the tides against him. I turn around and push his body against the door; it shudders with the force even as he moans with pleasure. So…he likes it when I am forceful. His hands still flutter all over my body, touching all my hot spots. I copy his move from earlier, grinding up into him, flesh against him. I can feel the heat rising off his body, attacking me in waves. I am so hard…like I cannot wait anymore.
“I’m going to screw you up against this door Mugen, until you cry out for more.” I whisper into his ear, my hot breath wisping against him. I can feel him shudder with pleasure beneath me.
”Promises, promises.” he mutters, a smile breaking out on his face even as his eyes are closed, lost to the feeling. I reach down and grab his cock with one of my hands, gripping it, squeezing it enough to elicit another moan from him.

His hands reach out blindly and grab one of my hands. He takes it and puts one finger, my index finger, into his mouth sucking on it, coating with his saliva.

I groan with the effect his mouth has on me, but I do not lose sight of what I am doing. I squeeze his shaft as I begin to move my hand up and down, a slow and steady rhythm sure to draw out more of the soft sounds I enjoy. God he is so beautiful like this.
I just want to drive into him, end both he and my own torment. But that would only hurt him as I have not prepared him yet. No sooner had I finished this thought then he let go of my finger, leaving it coated with his saliva. Grinning sexily up at me, he crooked an eyebrow and I knew exactly what he wanted me to do with that finger.
I reached down between our sweat-slicked bodies reaching for that puckered opening. I attacked his mouth with my own, distracting him before I plunged in. Better to get it over quickly. He moaned into my mouth, his cries of pain quickly becoming cries of pleasure as I search to find that one sweet spot, that bundle of nerves that will make him scream my name. He was a vocal one, my Mugen.
Carefully, I slip in another finger, stretching him with a scissoring motion. He is breathing so heavily, the sound of it arousing me even further, and if it was possible, making me harder. I add another finger, ensuring that the later pain will be minimal. I can’t take it much longer.
Mugen squirms against my touch, his hands searching for something to grab onto, settling for my shoulders. His fingers dig into my flesh, I wince with the pain, even as the very action itself arouses me. He pushes himself down on my fingers inside of me, moaning with every move, every touch.
I smile slightly, though inside I am slowly losing control. I remove my fingers from him and wrap them around the two cheeks of his ass, lifting him up slightly. He helps me out by wrapping his long lean legs around my waist. Without waiting another moment, I place the tip of my erection at his opening and slowly guide myself in. I nearly die when I feel that wet tight heat wrap around me. It feels so good, I lose myself in the emotions.
“You’re so tight…” I pant, delighting in the feel of being inside him.
He arches his back and bites his lip with the pain. I try to soothe him by kissing him, taking his mouth in mine. I swallow up his moans of pain until they turn into moans of pleasure as I just gently move inside him, finding that sweet spot.
“Gods Jin…don’t go so slow!” moaned Mugen in my ear. His fingers dug into my shoulders, possibly drawing blood, but I did not care.
“Tell me.”
“Uhn..nnn.”
“Tell me Mugen.” I halt my movements within him. I want to hear him say it. I want to hear him tell me what he wants. Only then will it not be a dream, only then will I believe.
“Uhh…do it Jin…” His hips thrust downwards, trying to encourage me to move within him. It inadvertently squeezes me and I have to bite back a moan of pleasure.
“Say it!” I demand. I have to know.
“Fuck me Jin!” He screams, pulling my body closer to his.
A smile breaks out on my face, hearing my name on his lips. I drive up into him, hard and deep, like he wanted. My pace is no longer slow, but fast and quick, the both of us so near our release.
~I try to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake, but my world is half asleep.
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete~
Breathing hard, lost in the symphony of our bodies moving as one, thrust meeting thrust, it was not long before I found myself reaching that crescendo. Mugen emitted gasps and moans, getting louder and louder even as the door behind him thumped.
“Unn…I’m close…” he moaned. I take his mouth with my own, thrusting up hard into him, buried to the hilt.
“Shit Mugen…so good.” I gasp in return.
“AAH! I…I love you!” Mugen screamed, cumming loudly with a spurt of warm sticky liquid, covering our two bodies.
His profession stirred me forward. I thrust wildly, erratically until I come in a spurt of wild emotion, pleasure filling me to the bone. I clench his ass in my hands, squeezing, feeling, filling him up on the inside with my cum until finally I collapse against his body, trapping him between myself and the door.
~…Incomplete~
We are both panting heavily, collapsed on top of each other as our bodies slide slowly to the floor. For moments, we do not even speak, just lie on the ground, our bodies intertwined and enmeshed.
Slowly, I pull out of his body, turning my face to look at him. I hesitate, knowing what I want, what I need to ask. “Did you…really mean it?”
Mugen turns towards me, our eyes meeting, locking. Inwardly, I feel an arousal beginning to start again. “Don’t even think about pitying me.” He answered, a bit of his stubborn prideful nature peeking in.
“I wasn’t.”
“Doesn’t matter then.” He looks away, shifting his body from me as if he is ashamed.
“Of course it does.” I grab him by the shoulders, forcing him to turn and look at me, “I love you. I always have.”
“Tch!” he answered, trying to pull away. “You do not mean that.” My grip on him remains firm. I will not let him from me this time; I could not live through it.
I look into his eyes; see the scared soul of a little boy looking back at me, the hurt soul of someone who has been destroyed over and over again. “I would not lie to you Mugen.” I say simply before pulling him towards me into a crushing kiss. I tell him my feelings through that kiss, relaying my love, my devotion, and the promises.
He feels stiff against me at first, as if he won’t let me in. But I am relentless in my pursuit. Wrapping my arms around him until he relaxes and returns my kiss. Finally we part, gasping for air.
“I searched for you this whole time.” I admitted to him.
His eyes widened when I told him that. As if he did not believe me. “I…I searched for you too.”
His words nearly choke me up. I never dreamed that he would be searching for me too. My decision is now made, as if there was ever any doubt. Swiftly I rise to my feet, even as he looks up at me in confusion. I reach down and grab his hand, pulling him to his feet. He stumbles into me, our bodies touching again. God the feel of him on me is indescribable.
I pull him towards me, even as I back up, heading towards the bed. When the back of my knees hit the corners of the bed, I collapsed backwards onto it, pulling Mugen with me, a surprised expression on his face.
I got into a comfortable position before I pulled him into my embrace, throwing a leg and an arm over his body, effectively pinning him beneath me.
“You are not getting away again,” I said simply, snuggling up closer to his body.
Mugen took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I did not want to leave the first time.”
There was a brief moment of silence. Guilt overwhelmed me, guilt over having not spoken before we parted. I wrapped my arms around him as tight as I could, pulling him into as warm and loving an embrace as I am capable. “I love you Mugen,” I said finally, allowing myself to relax.
“I love you Jin,” he responded before his breathing became even.
We drifted off into a tender sleep. I do not know what tomorrow will bring or what the future holds. But I know that with him at my side, I am no longer incomplete.

 

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