[Shattered] Dreams 22

Chapter Twenty-Two: Taking Over Me

Cid sighed once more as he moved through the hallways of the airship Highwind, heading for the Captain’s Quarters. His whole body ached with weariness, and his mind was nearly shattered with the trials of what had occurred over the past few days.

After leaving Cosmo Canyon in the capable hands of Yuffie and Nanaki, he had known they wouldn’t come, he had picked up Reeve and Archer in Midgar; the airship was now on its way to Wutai. Apparently, the executive had received some information that Reno was there. Cid was glad for Reeve, glad that he could find his lover and stop worrying. However, he was also insanely jealous; it just wasn’t fair in his mind. He’d been searching for months…

Cid shook his head, trying to clear away his angry thoughts, knowing it would do no good to be mad at Reeve. The executive couldn’t help that it was much easier to find a red-haired Turk that had been kidnapped as opposed to a dark-haired ex-Turk that had fallen – it seemed – into the very pits of hell itself.

The pilot yawned, his mouth opening wide and stretching at his face as his stomach growled at him angrily. He had already decided that he would use the four hour flight to get some rest, even if he couldn’t sleep, lying down would do him some good. He also knew that he should eat but didn’t feel like stumbling to the mess hall to eat. Food just wasn’t important anymore…

The pilot wasn’t a stupid man. He knew that he had been spiraling downwards for the past six months. He just simply hadn’t cared enough to continue living. Finding Vincent had absorbed him, took over his life until there was nothing left in him but the drive to find the ex-Turk.

His chain smoking had gotten beyond the barriers of ridiculous, and his alcohol tolerance was so high, that his blood was probably starting to think it was supposed to have scotch in it. He didn’t sleep at night… he didn’t sleep during the day… more or less living his lonely life as a zombie.

And to come so close, over and over again to finding his lover, it pissed him off but also saddened and stretched his already thinning hope. First, there was the fake, the one that claimed he had information just to extort some money out of him. Then, unbeknownst to him, Vincent’s claw had washed up on the beach, and he had been left out of the loop for five and a half months. Then the mysterious call from Bugenhagen, which also ended fruitlessly as by the time he got to Cosmo Canyon, the place was destroyed. Every time it was like someone was kicking him while he was down and delighting in his misery.

Vincent was… is… the only man that Cid had ever felt that strongly before. He had dated plenty in his younger days; he was actually quite a charmer before he met Archer and knew how to woo any who came his way. He had quite a few crushes… plenty of lusts… but never any loves.

Until Kyle came along. He fell head over heels for the older man, who was like a mentor to him. Though only two years older than him, Kyle was very much his superior when they had met at ShinRa. Cid had been sent to study under him to learn about building engines for his rocket designs. Even then he had dreamed of the sky and the stars… even then…

They were together for some time, everyday like pure bliss to the pilot. He had thought he was in love, believed it whole heartedly. Archer was the man he looked up to, the man who taught him everything there was to know about engines. He could easily make him laugh, and well, Kyle was fucking beautiful, too. It wasn’t a difficult task for him to become trapped within that amethyst gaze.

Then the chance of a lifetime fell right into his lap, everything he had ever dreamed… ShinRa offered it to him. They had heard of his interest in space, seen his layouts for the rocket design, knew of his skill as a pilot, and were interested in starting a space program, and they wanted him to head it. It was his opportunity to see the stars… his one chance to have his lifelong goal come to fruition. He accepted, of course he would accept; he would be a fool not to, but in the end, it was his dreams that ended the relationship that he thought would last forever.

They planned to build a town on the other side of the Nibel Mountains where the population was sparse, that way they would have plenty of room to expand if need be. However, that town was far from Midgar, on the other side of the world. There was no way Cid was going to pass up on that chance.

In the end, he had been made to choose in a way between his lover and his dream. They had argued and fought, and in the end… Kyle had left, walking right out of his life as if none of it had mattered at all. Cid headed for Rocket Town, met an annoying engineer named Shera, who followed him around like a lost puppy, and Kyle… he never saw him again… recently.

He had had relationships since then, even a brief stint where he attempted to date Shera. He kissed her once and that was the last time he would try that. If he had ever wanted to know what it would be like to kiss his sister, not that he had one, Shera had given him the opportunity. Afterwards, he apologized and started treating her as he had before. She didn’t seem to mind and eventually, she met Rude…

He hadn’t dated at all for almost a year by the time he had met Vincent, becoming almost content with his bachelorhood. Shera cooked and cleaned for him, so why did he need a lover or – Kami help him – a wife? He was beginning to believe that he would be a happy chain-smoking, cursing bachelor for the rest of his life.

Then he met Vincent Valentine, and his whole world turned upside down. From first sight he had thought that the ex-Turk was beautiful, despite his somewhat icy and held back exterior. He didn’t understand why everybody seemed to shy away from Vincent. Sure, he was a bit moody and didn’t talk much, but scary vampire, Valentine was not.

The pilot sighed as he found himself outside his room and dug into his pocket for the key to his room. He wasn’t sure why he bothered to lock it anymore. Pulling the small key out, he quickly unlocked the door and stepped into his room. It was messy, as usual. He couldn’t find it in himself to actually go clean it or pick up after himself anymore. He didn’t figure it actually mattered.

Cid threw his key onto the nightstand, followed by his gloves, all items out of his pockets, including his cigarettes so that they wouldn’t be crushed. Stripping down to his undershirt and some pale blue boxers, he stretched mildly before deciding it was time for a much needed nap, if indeed his mind would allow him to sleep.

The pilot lowered himself down to the bed with a sigh and crawled beneath the covers trying to get as comfortable as possible. He closed his eyes and tried to make his mind completely blank but couldn’t get the ex-Turk out of it. There had to have been some truth behind Bugenhagen’s words. The elder man was too wise for him to have been mistaken. Cid believed whole heartedly that Vincent had been in Cosmo Canyon, and if Isis was to be believed, then the ex-Turk was now somewhere in Gaia, only making the pilot’s task that much more difficult.

He choked, trying to hold back the flood of tears that were threatening to consume him. It was always like that, late at night, when the lights were off, the room was silent, and there was nothing left for him to do but think. He laid in an empty bed that smelled only of himself, that was always so cold on the other side, though even then it hadn’t always stayed warm and couldn’t do anything but /remember/.

He believed in Vincent, however. Would give up anything and everything just to find him… because he had to be with him if he wanted to live or breathe; his life, his love, had been completely claimed by the gunman.

It was the memories that got him. It was the images and the sounds and the smells that triggered every crack in his heart to pulse and pound repeatedly, pushing a little harder to break him down. He tried to fight the tears; he tried to swallow down the pain and the agony of loss, continuing to convince himself he would find the ex-Turk. Yet, even his own unfailing belief that the dark-haired man was alive couldn’t defeat the ache in his heart and in his empty arms.

Rolling over in the bed, he pushed his face down into the covers to try and quell the images that pushed at his brain… the memories that were so strong… the memories he associated with his own bed, his own room… Of the last time they had been together, of that one moment of brief trust that meant more to him then all the times they had been together before combined.

After dragging them to the pilot’s room and attacking him with his mouth, Cid knew immediately what it was the Turk had wanted. However, the pilot wanted things to be different, so when given the chance, he broke off the kiss and ran a hand through the ex-Turk’s beautiful raven tresses and looked into his eyes. He recognized the lust, knowing it probably mirrored his own, but it was also the faint hint of something more… something meaningful that made him certain he was doing the right thing.

“Let me… show you what it is to be human,” the Captain said softly, rubbing a calloused thumb over the gunman’s soft cheek.

Vincent’s eyes narrowed for a moment. “I already told you-“

Cid shook his head, interrupting whatever reason he knew was going to come out of Vincent’s mouth. “You’re the same size as me, Vince; I don’t want to hear that bullshit excuse anymore. I understand now… even if you didn’t… and all I ask is that you trust me to make you feel good. You once came to me with the same offer to make the pain go away… why can’t I do the same?”

The gunman frowned and made as if to pull away, but Cid’s arms were tightly locked around him. The pilot wasn’t going to let go until he had an answer.

“Trust… I trust you, Cid, perhaps more than is safe for me… but” He paused for a moment. The pilot could almost hear the protestations going on in the ex-Turk’s mind. “You ask for too much,” he murmured softly, looking away since he couldn’t leave.

However, Cid was not going to back down this time. He gently grasped the gunman’s head and turned Vincent to face him once more. He claimed the ex-Turk’s lips in a passionate kiss, trying to input all his desire and feelings into that one sensual kiss. He pressed against him, carefully nibbling on the bottom lip before slowly slipping his tongue inside, tasting, teasing, exploring the wet cavern.

“Let me show you how it’s supposed to be,” Cid whispered softly, trapping a crimson-eyed gaze with his own. He couldn’t help but run a thumb over the cheek. “Before that chance is forever taken away.” The unspoken words hung heavy on the air… the truth that in six days… there may not be a future.

Vincent sighed and closed his eyes, trying to fight down the apprehension that was building up within him. He leaned his head forward and buried his face in the pilot’s neck, and Cid sighed internally, hoping that they could forever stay that way. He had fallen head over heels for the ex-Turk and knew there was no other simple way to put things.

“… I will trust you,” the gunman conceded. A grin spread across Cid’s face at the dark-haired man’s words.

“I promise… I will be gentle,” he soothed in a low sensual voice.

Vincent looked up, and their eyes met, sky blue being trapped within a crimson moon. It was only inevitable that Cid’s lips found his gunman’s, but it was slow and exploratory, as if recognizing the taste of each other for the first time. He took his time, tracing the dark-haired man’s lips and running his tongue along the other, almost massaging.

Cid slowly began to remove his goggles and kicked off his shoes as he carefully pushed the ex-Turk back towards the bed. In turn, Vincent kicked off his boots and removed his black glove and gun holster. All of these items fell to the floor in a haphazard pile, forgotten. A blue jean jacket soon joined them.

The pilot pushed the gunman back until the back of his legs hit the bed, and he collapsed onto it gratefully. Cid knelt between his legs and bent over to kiss the gunman. He made every move slow and deliberate, not wanting Vincent to even think about changing his mind. He licked up his exposed throat before his lips landed on those of the dark-haired man’s, tongue flicking out to wet them. He could tell that the gunman was tense beneath him, as if anticipating what was to come with mixed feelings.

“You gotta relax, baby,” the pilot soothed. “I won’t hurt you.” He reached out and deftly unbuttoned the Turk’s shirt, slipping a hand inside to graze over a pale chest. He traced small designs over the scarred yet soft skin before settling over one dusky nipple. Vincent arched up beneath him at the touch, moaning softly. He was so damn beautiful… all pale and flushed with arousal, his skin almost flawless.

Vincent had even found it in him to dispose of the pilot’s shirt for him. Not that he minded.

Cid latched onto a nipple delighting in the breathy moan that escaped from Vincent’s throat, sounding almost like a purr. He knew he could never get tired of the sounds that the dark-haired man made. They were addicting. Every little moan or gasp, even the occasional whimper felt like he was breaking through every barrier that the dark-haired man had built, and Cid felt he was slowly beginning to understand and know the man that he loved.

The gunman bucked up with his hips, grinding himself into Cid’s erection even as he reached down to unbuckle the pilot’s jeans and push them off the blond’s hips. Sparks of arousal shot through the Captain’s body, and he bit his lip to restrain his own lusty moan, though it still echoed from his throat.

Cid backed off the bed so that he could remove his pants more easily, smirking down at the gunman. “In a hurry, are we?”

Vincent growled. “Just take those clothes off!”

The pilot smirked and hurriedly took off his pants, shoving his boxers down, as well. He was in as much of a hurry as the gunman. He wanted to feel flesh on flesh, taste that smooth skin rubbing along with his. He supposed it was because of the mako and Jenova that Vincent’s skin didn’t hold a tan but that didn’t bother him any. It only made the ex-Turk that much more exotic… that much more beautiful.

He leaned over the bed and tackled Vincent’s as well, a devilish smile covering his face when he realized that the ex-Turk wore no underwear. He was immediately met with that impressive erection, swollen with arousal and standing in a nest of ebony curls. Vincent looked good enough to taste, and Cid felt the hot fire beginning to curl in his belly and race through his veins.

“Commando?” questioned Cid, raising an eyebrow in question.
The ex-Turk waved him off. “You tore my last pair, and I hadn’t had time to buy more.”

The Captain didn’t respond. Instead he moved over to the bedside table and started digging around in the clutter. Damn drawer! He always shoved far too much in there because he was too lazy to find a rightful place for anything. He really needed to become more organized. But he had a reason for suddenly wanting to take a dive into the disorderly compartment. He had bought new lube earlier and couldn’t wait to try it out on the gunman.

He had been perusing the shelves when his mind had managed to catch this particular scent, and he instantly knew he needed to buy it. Though he would never forget the poor teenager’s reddened face when she rung it up, nor his own for that matter. None of that was important to him, however, because it was all worth it. The oil was perfect because he knew that Vincent would love the scent.

“Ah, ha!!” He held up a small bottle for the gunman to see and grinned from ear to ear before moving back towards the bed and crawling between Vincent’s legs, bending down to kiss him on the lips. He allowed himself only the barest of tastes before pressing the bottle into the dark-haired man’s hand lest he got carried away.

Vincent looked at the bottle and his eyebrows raised high, crimson eyes instantly locking on to the pilot. “How did you…?”

“Don’t you remember? You told me once that you loved tropical scents most because they made you think of places you would never be able to go. Besides the vanilla disappeared somehow, I haven’t been able to find it…” Which was true; sometime between the day before yesterday and the present moment, when he had looked earlier, the lube had entirely disappeared. He thanked his good fortune that he had impulsively bought the other earlier.

He leaned down and kissed the gunman once more, taking the opportunity to run a hand down Vincent’s body and caressing the soft skin.

It was so easy to love him… so easy to want to bring him joy that it almost scared Cid. Had it been so simple before, and he never noticed?

Cid roamed an empty hand down over the planes of Vincent’s body, caressing each of his sensitive spots and enjoying the sounds that the gunman was making. He didn’t even need the ex-Turk to touch him to get aroused. The sounds were quite enough.

He broke away from the kiss and trailed his lips down Vincent’s body. He wanted to taste the gunman and bring him pleasure. He wanted everything about this time to perfect, to be something that would last with the ex-Turk… something to erase the bad memories. The dark-haired man released a breathy sigh and buried his hands in the pilot’s hair, urging him to continue on.

The pilot drew the gunman into his mouth completely, taking in as much of the length as he was able. He swirled his tongue around Vincent’s erection and sucked alternatively. The dark-haired man was writhing beneath him, awash in the sensation and finally relaxing.

Cid took that opportunity to uncap the oil and began to coat his fingers with it, though never ceasing in his mouth torture. The room filled with the tropical scents of pineapple and coconut. He wanted Vincent to know only pleasure and was trying to distract him from the inevitable first pain.

He slipped his oil slicked hand down between the gunman’s legs and searched for the tiny puckered entrance. When he found it he traced tiny circles around the entrance, oiling up the outside and teasing the gunman before he began to press in one finger very slowly and very gently. Almost immediately, Vincent tensed up as he felt the invading digit.

Cid released the gunman’s erection from his mouth and crawled up Vincent’s body, capturing his lips. “Relax, baby, or it’s going to hurt no matter what I do.”

“I am relaxed,” the ex-Turk responded.

Cid couldn’t help the chuckle that broke out over his face. He tried to soothe the gunman’s fears by moving down and nibbling on Vincent’s neck, especially around the dark-haired man’s ears, a particularly sensitive spot for the ex-Turk.

Vincent moaned and clutched at Cid’s body, barely able to think beyond the pleasure that the pilot was giving him. The Captain took that opportunity to press the oil-slicked finger completely inside his apprehensive lover and begin to stretch him. When Vincent didn’t protest or tense up further, Cid added another finger, using a scissoring motion to stretch him. By gods, the pilot was going to everything he was able to make sure that he didn’t hurt his lover.

Vincent’s right hand trailed down the blond’s back, heading dangerously south to slip between the pilot’s two cheeks and running a finger around the blond’s tight ring. Cid couldn’t help but moan at the feeling, wanting to buck backwards at the teasing digit. Yet, he restrained himself, instead adding in a third finger, since Vincent was so inclined to start teasing the pilot in his own way.

He felt deep inside the gunman’s body, searching for the one spot that would make Vincent melt in his arms and convince the dark-haired man to no longer be afraid. He knew he had found it when the ex-Turk suddenly gripped the blond’s ass and purred deep inside his throat.

Cid stopped sucking on his lover’s neck, noting with satisfaction that he left a dark purplish-red mark in his wake, and pulled back just enough to look at his gunman. He continued to pump the ex-Turk with his fingers, making sure to hit his prostate each time.

The gunman was truly a beautiful sight. Eyes closed in passion, mouth parted slightly emitting small moans of pleasure, forehead just beginning to sweat, Cid found he would have been able to stare all night if he was so inclined. However, there was more that he had in store for the ex-Turk, and he pulled away reluctantly.

Sitting back on his lower legs and removing his fingers, Cid dug around in the covers until he found the earlier discarded bottle of oil and poured a liberal amount on his fingers. He coated his straining erection with the sweet smelling lubricant before capping the bottle and tossing it away.

He leaned forward and balanced his weight on his left arm as it settled heavily into the bed next to the gunman’s head. He used his right to guide himself slowly to Vincent’s entrance.

Slowly, gently, Cid pressed into him, inch by agonizing inch. It took nearly all the pilot’s willpower not to just pound into the ex-Turk, he was so damn tight.

However, things weren’t going as well as the blond had hoped. He noticed the slow tightening of Vincent’s features before emotions danced across his face so rapidly that he hardly had time to recognize them.

Instantly, the gunman seized up, clutching at Cid’s arms tightly, cutting into one with his claw. He scrunched his eyes up tight and moaned but not with passion. The Captain immediately caught on and knew what the problem was. In fact, he had anticipated it. Hojo was a master at mind manipulation and knew just how to destroy someone’s mind for a long period of time.

Without withdrawing, he took his right hand and gently cupped the ex-Turk’s face, wiping away an errant tear that had already broken free. Vincent seemed too vulnerable in that moment, almost like he needed a knight, and Cid was there to fill in the spot.

“Vince,” he said softly, trying to gain the gunman’s attention. “Open your eyes, Vincent.” It was a command in a way, but he knew the only way to get through the haze of blurred memories that he was sure the dark-haired man was reliving, was to be stern.

Slowly, almost painfully, the gunman opened his eyes, teary crimson meeting concerned blue. Cid saw flashes of regret and shame, pain and horror, and it filled him with sadness that the man he loved had been forced to endure such atrocities. In that very moment, Cid hated Hojo with every inch of his being, glad that he had been the one to snuff out his life.

He rubbed a thumb gently over the ex-Turk’s cheek, quietly marveling at how soft it felt and slightly worried by the ashen pallor. “Look at me. Look in my eyes, know who I am,” intoned the pilot, eyes never leaving the face of his lover.

Another lone tear slipped from the ex-Turk’s eye. It was always something that melted him on the inside, to see the dark-haired man allow himself such a blatant display of emotion, that one tear doing more to melt his hear than anything else.

“Kiss me…” Vincent whispered softly, voice sounding strangely broken to the pilot.

“I would never hurt you,” the blond whispered in return as he leaned down and claimed Vincent’s lips in a gentle kiss. The ex-Turk melted beneath him, giving in to Cid’s tender embrace. Slowly, the pilot began to thrust further into the gunman, while the dark-haired man clung to him like a lifeline. He felt needed, wanted… desired and loved with just that simple touch.

Vincent was so beautiful and everything that Cid had wanted. Holding him close, murmuring his name as they made love. That very act of trust being the thing that would forever bind Cid to Vincent. He knew now that there was no way he could ever be the same again. He had been remade, reforged into something entirely different. A brash pilot had been made to love, and he wouldn’t trade that feeling for anything in the world.

Cid lost himself in the emotion, he lost himself in the feeling as he slowly and carefully brought the gunman the pleasure he had been denied long ago. And when Vincent came, crying out his name and sounding so very… passionate, something within him melted completely. He wanted to cry sheer tears of joy, and he wanted to scream his love for the Turk.

As it were he could only scream incoherently, the sound enough to bring him over the edge until he collapsed in Vincent’s arms, wrapping his own around the gunman so tight he didn’t ever want to let go.
He loved him; there was no other way to be about it. He was hopelessly and forever addicted to the gunman, his heart and mind belonging only to Vincent, and he would never be the same again.

Cid choked again, biting back the tears that were threatening to well up as he relieved his most precious memory, of the last time he had held Vincent like that. Of the last time he had been able to kiss the ex-Turk in such a way… and his last chance to tell him that he loved him.

Dammit! That was the part that hurt most of all. That was the part that burned a hole in his chest that only increased everyday that sat a weight on his lungs, daring him to breathe… that caused him to be a man who could barely restrain his tears.

The ex-Turk didn’t know… he did not know that Cid loved him. He had not been given the chance to say it, though he’d wanted to scream it aloud to the world and swing a spear at anyone who dared look at the gunman wrong. No matter how he tried, Vincent would not allow him, as if he were afraid of the words and what they might imply.

Cid turned over and buried his face in the pillow, if only to hide from the pain that was forcing its way through his body. Slow close… and yet so far. He couldn’t help but wonder what he would say to his lover should he find Vincent. If Bugenhagen was right, then the gunman wouldn’t remember him. If so, then he wouldn’t be able to hold him or kiss him or even declare who he was. Cid didn’t even know if he could handle looking into those eyes and not seeing recognition in return.

Would it lead to him just mourning his love for the rest of his life, with Vincent so close yet far from his reach?

The pilot closed his eyes and tried to forget that fear. All that mattered was getting Vincent back in his arms. Anything else would be overcome at another time.

Sleep… was such a distant action for him. No matter how hard he tried, he could think of nothing but Vincent… his mind wouldn’t rest. It was as if there were some other force out there trying to remind him of his goal, of his love, not that he needed the help.

Shoulders shaking, as he no longer bothered to restrain the tears, Cid Highwind buried his face in the soft cotton and cried himself to sleep as he had so many nights before…


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