[Shattered] Refrain 19

Track Nineteen – Archer Kyle – Move Along

For once, it wasn’t quiet in my workshop. I had foregone the use of all loud equipment, mostly in the beginning stages of my design, and to fill the silence, I had turned on the radio. Though I wondered why I had bothered considering it seemed to be playing nothing but sad and angsty music, and I was trying to escape from those consuming feelings.

While my hands busied themselves with yet another metal project, amongst a string of others, I allowed my mind to drift. This place was my solace, my place for renewal, if you will. Surrounded by the smell of machinery and metal, hunched over a workshop desk and perched atop a stool.

Cid never really understood that. He enjoyed noise and movement, constantly keeping his hands busy.

Perhaps then, he was just too young and his dreams kept him in a state of constant motion. He was always like that then. He didn’t want to settle down for even a moment. I can still remember how brightly his eyes shone when he talked to me about everything. I can still see his enthusiasm when he first told me about the Space Program.

But most of all, I can still remember the look on his face when I turned into a bastard and forced him to choose between his dreams and me. I’m somewhat glad that he picked the stars because they certainly have never failed him. I’m even happier that he finally was able to launch the ShinRa No. 26, even if it did eventually become little more than a cloud of debris in space.

The song on the radio changed suddenly, shifting from the low, soft rock beats that seemed to permeate the entire broadcast into something more positive, immediately attracting my attention.
Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking. When you fall, everyone stands.”

A smile curled up at the corner of my mouth. Wasn’t that I was doing? Just sitting here and wasting time, thinking of should haves and could haves?

It was somewhat ironic, and for that reason alone, I started listening more closely to the lyrics.

Another day and you’ve had your fill of sinking. With the life held in your hands are shaking cold. These hands are meant to hold.”

I looked down at my own hands then, wondering if the words even applied to me. Hands were meant to hold?

Frankly, my hands held little more than metal and weapons recently. I do not usually lack for companionship, but after ShinRa fell the first time and I became consumed with aiding both Reeve and Cid, it was rather difficult to meet people. Nor did it really seem the proper time to be looking for romance, at least not the permanent kind. I couldn’t really find anyone that evoked a response. I suppose that is the best word I could use.

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong. Move along, move along like I know you do.”

Those lyrics reminded me of something that my mother once used to say.

She was a brilliant woman. People who knew us always said that I got my eyes and my intelligence from her. The rest was a gift from my dad. Anyways, she was an architect, much like Reeve except that her buildings of choice were on a more personal level. She built homes and small businesses, and there were even a few times she aided in the restoration of some older buildings.

It was probably her who instilled in me the love of science and mathematics. Dad was the one who taught me how to fight. He wasn’t a soldier or anything; he just ran a little dojo in Costa del Sol, teaching Kendo and Martial Arts to the local children. He even had a class for the adults at night. It’s not there anymore. He retired and passed it on to one of his students, but when Mikal died, his wife had the building torn down and sold the land.

“And even when your hope is gone, move along, move along just to make it through. Move along. Move along.”

We weren’t rich, not like Cid and Reeve’s families, but we lived comfortable lives. And most of all, we were happy. I don’t have any brothers and sisters because mom nearly died giving birth to me. They couldn’t risk another child, so they contented themselves with spoiling me rotten, not that I minded. I never really lacked for anything, and I certainly didn’t lack for love.

So a day when you’ve lost yourself completely could be a night when your life ends.

Both of my parents always supported me in everything that I did, even if I wasn’t always as smart as the others around me. I’m not a fool; I know that I have my limits. Reeve is assuredly far more intelligent than me, and as for Cid, I do not know if it was his drive or simply that he had more brainpower that made him succeed more quickly. Probably a mixture of both. I’m not stupid by any means, smarter than the average person, but there are plenty others above me. And that doesn’t really bother me.

“Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving. All the pain held in your hands are shaking cold. Your hands are mine to hold.”

The song though… it reminded me a lot of the type of things that my mother used to tell me. You wouldn’t know it by looking at me now, but I was actually pretty scrawny as a kid. Not to mention that I had a slight problem with reading. It wasn’t that I couldn’t, but I read the words strangely. The letters moved around on me, and sometimes, they even flipped completely.

I had to work twice as hard as the others to make good grades, and test taking was hell. I knew the answers, but when it came down to actually filling out the correct ones, something transposed in my brain. I just kept getting them wrong. Anyways, there were those that teased me cause of my girly eyes and then those that teased me because I was stupid. That my parents must have felt bad for only being able to have one kid, especially when I had ended up stupid.

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong. Move along, move along like I know you do”.

Mom had told me to ignore them because they didn’t know anything. That I could cry and allow myself to be hurt, but it wouldn’t change what they were saying. All I could do was to be strong and prove them wrong. In a sense, move along from what they were putting me through.

And gradually, I found myself slowly making friends. I started smiling, and I worked hard, and since then, I have followed her advice pretty well. You are only as unhappy as you make yourself. They can only hurt you if you let them. What they thought didn’t matter; in the end, only you have to walk in your shoes. My mom was such a wise person.

“And even when your hope is gone, move along, move along just to make it through. Move along.”

I put down the metal I had been working on and turned towards the radio, raising an eyebrow when I realized it was almost like the song itself was speaking to me. As if reminding me that I had been letting go of what my mom taught me by allowing this melancholy. Not to mention… I hadn’t really been doing anything on my own since I started watching out for Cid.

Perhaps it was time I learned to find my own way again.

“Go on, go on, go on, go on. When everything is wrong, we move along.
Go on, go on, go on, go on. When everything is wrong, we move along. Along, along, along
.”

I rose from my stool and swiftly crossed the room, turning the dial to the radio and letting the lyrics and the sound wash over me. My eyes lifted to the window, covered by the blinds, and on impulse, I raised them, letting the flood of bright light peek into every corner of the workshop. I hadn’t even realized that I had been hunched over in the dimness. No wonder I was only getting gloomier and gloomier.
I smiled briefly as I raised my eyes towards the outside, finding that it actually looked quite pleasant outside. Cheery, even.

When all you got to keep is strong, move along, move along like I know you do.
And even when your hope is gone, move along, move along just to make it through.”

It wasn’t often that music affected me so much, but there was something in those words that clearly spoke to me. It lightened my heart and made everything seem brighter again. I know it’s kind of strange to say that all from a song, but I can’t help but feel as if someone was trying to speak to me.

There were so many regrets that I had in my life, good things that I let go or chances that I didn’t take. There were things that I still had yet to do, dreams of my own that I had not fulfilled. I’m not an architect like my mom or Reeve, and I’m certainly not a pilot seeking the sky and stars, but I have my own dreams.

I just have to figure out what they are.

When all you got to keep is strong, move along, move along like I know you do.
And even when your hope is gone, move along, move along just to make it through.”

And even the loneliness couldn’t last forever. Perhaps Yuffie was right; that there was someone out there for me, someone perfect that I hadn’t yet met. Someone who needed what I had to offer, just waiting for someone like me. All I could do was keep moving along, never allowing anything to drag me down. Just like mom always said.

When all you got to keep is strong, move along, move along like I know you do.
And even when your hope is gone, move along, move along just to make it through.”

I smiled again, this time a true Archer Kyle grin, as I turned from the window, already humming along to words that would forever stay in my mind. Except, instead of sitting back down and beginning work on the new project, I completely bypassed the workbench altogether, heading directly out of the room.

I suddenly had the urge to dig out my old plans for that engine I had designed all those years ago. Or maybe even a few of the other inventions I had put aside for a more permanent career. I had the chance now; there really was nothing holding me back.

Not anymore.

“Go on, go on, go on, go on. Right back what is wrong. We move along.”

The last words of the song followed me as I closed the door, reminding me that I had forgotten to turn off the radio, which would probably drain the already meager battery.

Oh, well. Maybe I’ll just have to invent a longer lasting one.

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