For Ichigo, their relationship defies all logic. It doesn’t make any sense. Kisuke is so much older. Kisuke is a Shinigami. Kisuke’s carrying around loads of baggage on his shoulder that Ichigo has no clue how to help him with. He tries, but Ichigo’s still only barely out of his teens, with his own struggles to get through.
Despite knowing all this, however, Ichigo hasn’t been willing to walk away. He won’t throw up his hands, even if it would be better in the long run. They’re no good for each other. Isshin would flip a gasket if he ever knew. And there’s a lingering realization that it will end sooner or later, probably with tears and a broken heart or two.
Yet, he’s still here. Still crawling into bed every night beside the blond and drowning himself in Kisuke’s kisses. He curls around Kisuke, the familiar scent of gunpowder and candy teasing his nostrils. He presses his nose into the back of Kisuke’s neck, blond hair softer than Ichigo expected tickling at his face.
He tells himself that when the time comes, Ichigo will walk away with head held high. When Kisuke gets tired of the immature brat that’s always hanging around and returns to Soul Society, Ichigo will force himself to smile. He’ll shake Kisuke’s hand, wish him well, and pretend that everything is all right.
Until then, however, he’ll take every moment he can get. If it’s all he’s allowed, then Ichigo’s determined to make it count.
For Kisuke, it’s a matter of emotion. There’s a pain buried deep, and he knows that in the end, this will only make things worse. He’s been burned too many times, but here Kisuke is, once again involving himself in a relationship that’s destined to bring more heartache.
Ichigo is young. He’s human. Sooner or later, he’ll grow tired of the blood and pain that is the Shinigami world. Eventually, he’ll meet some cute girl who is sweet and innocent and everything that Ichigo needs. She’ll smile at him, and Kisuke will have to kiss their relationship goodbye. He’ll have to pretend that it’s all right, that he’s not hurt, and he’ll watch Ichigo walk away with a broken, fake smile.
And then there’s the whole matter of what Isshin will do to Kisuke as soon as he finds out just why Ichigo spends so much time at the Shoten.
Until then, however, Kisuke’s going to soak up every moment he can. Lazy mornings and late nights, and the simple joy of waking up next to Ichigo. He’ll memorize all the little things. Like the way Ichigo still blushes despite over a year spent as lovers. Or the way Ichigo suddenly gets aggressive, push Kisuke down, claim him and leave him breathless.
Kisuke holds all these precious memories closely, hoping beyond hoping that the end never comes. It’s the only prayer he has.